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Saturday, March 15, 2003 ( 7:29 PM ) Jacquet since i can't comment on lara's blog, (the feedback button is gone, hon) i thought i'd comment about hers on mine. she was talking about getting that overwhelming heartache when you recall something horrendous you did in your past and it comes back to haunt you. hmm. and maaan. it's still there for me. more so then every lately with all that my family and i are going through. i just lay awake at night and stare at my ceiling and wonder, how in hell did it come to THIS? and i think of what brought us to now and WHY it all happened and what was said that i wish was not. and what was not said that i wish was. makes me cry and i actually find it hard to breath. for seconds my breath will get caught somewhere in my chest and i can't breath, even when i try and force myself too. *whew! that was long* anyhoo. all that to say, it's still with me, Lara. and still oh so real. like it happened yesterday. and that scar gets ripped wide open again and the blood never stops. everything could have been different why did you have to change our lives? seems so funny and hard to take that what you do is now our bad. we didn't ask for this! or want the trial of fire i know by struggle comes a gem and butterflies their power. but if i could just go back and make my life a different one i'd never pick this path again i'd hide in some other's tower. so just because you choose to hate and make my life a nightmare. i'll just think back to better days and wish to disappear. now things are really different and you are gone from our lives and shutting my eyes to make believe doesn't make it any better. -jac # Friday, March 14, 2003 ( 6:15 PM ) Jacquet ya know what? i'm kinda starting to like the blog w/o a comment box. heh! so, never mind! some day when i'm not so busy and can spend hours and hours on the net i'll set it up and other junk too. i just have to much other stuff, can't drop my duties. and i know i just said drop my duties and so help me if you say anything about that! it's not how it sounds! heh. *wink* lates # ( 3:46 PM ) Jacquet w00ty! i got Our Lady Peace-Gravity and Good Charlette-The Young and Hopless yesterday. my best homie let me burn'em. aww, thanks, amy! they rock. snif. beautiful. and maybe someday i'll get that Jennifer Knapp cd burned. ;-) and still working on commet thingie. :-P # Tuesday, March 11, 2003 ( 2:50 PM ) Jacquet hmm, working on my comment thingie... -later that day- oh never mind. i'll wait till i get lara online to help me. :) well, the world is looking brighter, peeps! not only am i sick from eating to many chips (not really), but Smallville is on tonight!!! YOUTH OF THE NATION, RAISE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND GIVE THANKS! ok, ok. it's only a rerun, geez, but i'll take what i can get, thank you very much. *wink* lates! -jac # Monday, March 10, 2003 ( 3:59 PM ) Jacquet happy birthday to mee. happy birthday to meee. happy birthday dear meeeee. happy birthday to meeeeeeeee. w00t w00t. where are the party hats when ya need'em? i'd like to EAT THEM and then BARF them back up in someones face and then hit my head on some HARD object like a loo! and maybe crack IT or my SKULL! ok, ok, not in the party mood? hell, what was your first clue?! hmm, this is just not a happy birthday, peeps. if there is anything good about it, it's that it's one more year off my life and one year closer to 21. woooo. happy birthday to all and to all a good night. -jac # |
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