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Thursday, July 10, 2003 ( 3:00 PM ) Jacquet goodbye to lara. i hope you have loads of fun. try to stay outta trouble. ;) hi to bethany, sorry you still can't comment, but it made my day to see your shout out to me on your blog. :) are you alive, kate? haven't seen you on in forever. i hope to call you soon. k? :) hey cordy! honest, i will write to you, i'm just so busy trying to to be busy. hullo to elizabeth! yeah, i still read your blog, even if i don't comment. heh. ;) matt, you don't read this thing still, do you? lydia, whassup girl? i'll send you a email sometime soon. how's life? and hi to all you others who *sometimes* read this. tara, amy, katie, steph, eve, kenny, chris, beth and etc. later. -jac # Monday, July 07, 2003 ( 11:47 PM ) Jacquet To say that my life has settled to a very boring kinda normal would be a huge understatement. It’s become so hell, awful boring! yet crazy and screwed up and I’m sick of all this damn drama in my life. And I swear! I’m not creating my own drama! No no no! Far from it! I wish my life WERE basic with nothing to do. But ya know, I guess I’ve always been destined to lead an odd life. Ya know, not like normal teenagers, do they wonder and worry if their father is going to be locked up for the next 20 years? And where the hell is our money gunna come from to fix our van that is dying on it’s wheels? and money for surgeries for 3 little sisters? one of whom will die around the age of 20 if she’s not medically taken care of. There’s also losing our house: my refuge and place of comfort. Ok ok! So I KNOW there’s a HUGE number of teens out there that have to worry about these things also. I know I know! I’m not alone. Duuur. I know. But that really doesn’t help and really doesn’t make me feel better. On OP we were talking about what we want in life. I guess the one true thing I really want I just didn’t wanna say cuz it sounds (and is) sooo lame...(but I’m gunna say it anyway, I need to say it.) What I want in life, or at least right now, is to simple know that I’m loved and taken care of and that *sighs* how do is say this? Let’s put it this way, I would go a thousand miles JUST to have a feeling of security. When I was young that security came by know that dad was home and no burglar would DARE break in with him here. When I got older that security came in friends, heck, they’ll always be there for me, right…? *Shakes head* wrong. And now in my young adult life (adult…scary, man!) I find security in nothing. Not anything, not my home cuz it could be taken away. Not my family cuz, well, they could be taken away. Not my friends cuz I’ve lost so many, too many and you just can’t trust people. Not my money, cuz there will never be enough. Not even in my music, cuz it sucks. :-P Not even in my faith really! God feels so far away... Not even in love. Cuz love has only been a pain in my ass. Someone wanna show me true love? Someone wanna show me something I can trust in forever? Someone wanna tell me it’ll be ok. hey, ‘someone’…BITE ME. hmm, I feel better. I also feel a song coming on. -jac # Sunday, July 06, 2003 ( 2:27 PM ) Jacquet bah ha ha! my little sister has a coloring page here by the computer and it has a cartoon fly eating ice cream and underneath it it says, "Mr. Fly Has a Treat!" LOL! don't ask me why, but that's hell funny! heh heh! there could be such evil meaning behind that line. wha ha ha! (hmm, i'm the only person i know who could take something as innocent as a coloring page and pervert it. well...never mind, i could think of a few other people...*cough*) *wink* ANYWAYZ. -jac # |
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