i dream of small

i dream of small

( 8:00 PM ) Jacquet

i agree with kate. lara, you have so much strength. more then i shall ever have. or ever hope to have.

lara, that song is so sad it's beautiful. *sigh*

damnit. i have to hang out with the friend that stabbed me in the back tomorrow. bah.

-jac

( 8:24 PM ) Jacquet

for the first REAL time i thought about ending my life. SCARY.
yeah, life sucks right now. if you read lara's blog you'll get the general jist of what i'm going through also. difficult people, family problems and let's face it the major stress headaches don't help.

but i know God's up there waiting patiently for me to get my life and heart back in order and i am somewhat grateful to my mom for pushing, er shoving, me in the right direction. it's just tough. *grits teeth* VERY tough.
the more and more i lose of MY life and what *I* want, the closer God seems. does that make *any* sense? well, let's just put it this way, the more of the world i "lose" the more i realize that there's Jesus to fill my every want, even worldly ones. okay, now i know that doesn't make sense.

mom was giving me a full lecture on how i'm completely insecure in my life. (stems from my early childhood being abandoned by my birth mom. oookay?) but that's why i'm such a bad kid and have so many problems and need to get my soul re-hauled.
part of it makes sense, maybe my insecurity problem explains why i'm so tough and harsh. why i don't trust a single soul. etc, etc.
*shrug*
i dunno. to much to think about right now. gotta get some school done and get to bed. baaad headache.

night.

-jac

in a perfect world every town would be Smallville. and everyone would have a superhero to save them. since it's not to be in reality, we dream of it in our sleep, but at the end of sleep is morning. so for now we dream.